I been going through different problems
Things that drugs and alcohol just can’t fix
My mental is a maniacal maze
Just begging me to self destruct
Or self disrupt
My peace and all the love life sends to me
So before the congregation I speak
Owning up to my sins, welcome to service
I always end up hurtin’ the ones who don’t deserve it
And of course of course
I don’t do it on purpose
But that don’t mean that I still ain’t the worstest
All of my downfalls trickle into my verses
Apologies scripted like I had rehearsed it
Trynna make it right but it’s like I am Never ever good enough
Reflecting on the past with that shoulda coulda woulda stuff
Daily struggle for me to get outta bed
Perpetually draining
I don’t trust nobody paranoid in the head
About what he said and she said
I see red, get depressed
Then I transmit energies
I can no longer decipher friends from enemies
What has gotten into me?
What has life come to?
Sitting, I’m itchin' to do someone different
My bed is my pastor the walls are the witness
That maybe just maybe I’ll come out for Christmas
I’m done with this world fuck they hugs and they kisses
I’m alone not lonely your face I don’t miss it
Your presence I shall not provoke or elicit
Just In case you missed it Joe Lee, he don’t miss shit
My pride done got vicious
Left friendships in stitches
Relighting old matches to reburn the bridges
I wrote down my name and then tucked in my hit list
Sliced at the wrists
Advice from therapists
Is nice but the price of this life ain’t the shit
So I prayed it, I hope it, I begged it, I wrote it, I wish this
Liquor could fix it
I done tried every kind
I even slapped the bag
I tried every wine
Everyone love a good time but the time not cheap
And everybody real but not in reality
Now I’m obsessed, in my head, super stressed
Hungary for salvation I’m eating in Budapest
I tried meditation’ even rubbin' on Buddha’s chest
Still there is no redemption
Flaws still taunt me
Depression is a ghost
And the ghost still haunt me
That’s the only time I’m ever boo’d
My diet is low carb I replace thought for food
I think til I am pooped
I pooped out the truth, my nose still blue, the drugs still green and my soul still blue
They don’t get what I mean
I mean this life not guaranteed nah
My mind is a masterpiece y’all
Life love to laugh at me but
It ain’t seen the last of me see
I’m only hard cause I have to be I
Had to say fuck it no chastity my
Boat still afloat call me Captain Lee
Tryin’ not to die at the Calvary amen
This life not guaranteed nah
My mind is a masterpiece y’all
Life love to laugh at me but
It ain’t seen the last of me see
I’m only hard cause I have to be I
Had to say fuck it no chastity my
Boat still afloat call me Captain Lee
Tryin’ not to die at the Calvary amen
Well it appears the time has come
To right all my wrongs and finish what I’ve begun
Ya see I’m nauseous, therefore I proceed with caution like I know better but I don’t
Fallacies around my head like propellers
And I won’t offer my truth or I can’t live in that moment
May this release of poetic tongues suffice for atonement